The Gospel of the Toltecs

bk_gospeltoltecThe Gospel of the Toltecs
The Life and Teachings of Quetzalcoatl
by Frank Diaz, Bear & Company, 2002

Ce Acatl Toplatzin is the human incarnation of the Toltec deity Quetzalcoatl.  His story contains many familiar themes: he’s chosen for leadership at an early age; he trains for and fulfills his duties becoming the leader he is destined to be.  He becomes careless, leaving room for his adversaries to undermine his authority, eventually contributing to his downfall.

In his fall from grace he leaves the Toltec homeland, Tula and wanders.  Eventually he finds a new home, and a new people; disciples hear his words and practice his teachings, until the time where he makes the choice to leave his human form.  He descends first to the underworld before rising to the heavens.  After four years he returns in human form.   This is the story of Quetzalcoatl laid out in the “The Gospel of the Toltecs, The Life and Teachings of Quetzalcoatl,” by Frank Diaz. Continue reading

Men’s Yoga Wednesday after Labor Day?

Hey, everyone… The Willamette Wellness Center/FOF is closed on Labor Day (Mon., Sept. 2nd).  However, I’ve booked the room for Wednesday, September 4th at 5:30pm.  I’ll need 3-4 solid commitments to go ahead and offer the class.

PS: This poll feature is new to me.  Post that you voted?

A Year of Meditation

I started my meditation journal in April with the intention of blogging regularly. Here it is the middle of July, and I’ve yet to post again.  Status update: the meditation is going well and I’m journaling after each session with pen and paper.  And because I’m retentive and keep track of this sort of thing, I can report I’m meditating, on average, a little more than four days a week.

For comparison, in the past five years I’ve:

  • Meditated 45 days in row, during which time I absorbed the worst news of my life, and yet was amazingly stable.  However, it abruptly stopped.
  • Dabbled many times with the intention to meditate regularly, never lasting more than a week or two.
  • Meditated every day for a year straight.   But at the end I was exhausted.  And done.
  • Meditated daily for a month as part of a workplace challenge, and yep, it dropped off too.

This time appears to be different.  There’s an ease to sitting down that hasn’t been there before.  I have no idea what drew me to meditate for 45 days straight, all I can say is that something propelled me to do it, knowing there was a reason I would need to be grounded.

When I set out to meditate this time, it was with the intention to make it a lifetime habit.  The goal?  To meditate four to five days a week.  As I examine the success, so far… some of the answers to why it’s working now appear to lie in the year of meditation.

A year in review.

February, 2011. I sort of fell into the goal of meditating every day for a year.  At first, I was attempting to hold space for another, when in reality I hoping they would return to me.  And that led to feeling sucker punched, again, by the brevity of relationship.  While the genesis of the intention began from confusion and even self-loathing for making the same mistakes, there were five crucial phases.

The vocalization.

At the beginning of my year of meditation, I saw my acupuncturist for a series of treatments.  Previously, he had recommended Emotional Freedom Technic (EFT), and I had prepared for this series by doing EFT daily for several weeks.  EFT borrows from Chinese medicine and combines tapping certain points along our energy meridians, rapid eye movement and vocal affirmations.  It’s really quite simple.  And ever so effective… if you can get over the hump and believe that it works.

Because I had been doing the vocalizations, at one point early in my year of meditation, when emotions came up, rather than repress them, I spoke aloud a version of the affirmation I had been working with, and began to sob.

Vocalization is an important part of practice and is often overlooked.  It does not have to be the “ohm.”  It can be a mantra, a phrase you repeat over and over.  You can chant a sacred text.  But in this instance, because I have chanted the Sutras and because I was working with vocal affirmations, I was comfortable with my voice, and the end result was an incredible cleansing.

After this initial experience, I simply completed my meditation as I normally would have, and from then on when a similar thought arose, I gave it voice.  The emotions I was working with were released without the drama of resistance.  And that led into a new phase.

I have faith.

At about two and half months, I began to identify as having faith.  This was, at first, an odd sensation.  It didn’t seem to have the same qualities that I associate with religious faith.  There was no doctrine involved, no need to be right and no need to be heard.  For the last five years or so, I have identified as an agnostic leaning towards Buddhism.  This sense of faith wasn’t an unrealistic one, derived from a desperate longing.  It was simply the feeling that things would work out, absent the need for any particular definition or outcome.

There was a true sense of calm and peace.

I forgot.

It was later, in that place of faith, at day 128, I forgot to meditate one day.  Besides work, my daughter and the classes I teach, this had been a largely solitary endeavor.   I had dinner with an old friend, the kind of friend who simply knows you.  I forgot completely about meditating.  When I awoke the next morning and realized I had missed a day, there was an instant flash of disappointment.  But it vanished as quickly as it arose.  I rested that night, I slept well for the first time in weeks.  I was social, so many of the things I had been processing found a receptive listener.

The next day, I simply meditated morning and night.  And I continued on, undefeated.

It lost its effectiveness.

In my solitude, I was reading many sources: Alberto Villoldo’s book on shamanistic traditions and chiropractor-turned-new-age-healer Eric Pearl’s book on the Reconnection.  Rather than strictly doing my usual seated meditation, One Thousand Hands Buddha in the qi gong tradition, I added from other traditions.  And, I also wasn’t rising early enough to meditate in the morning and ended up more and more often meditating in the evening.

Eric Pearl asks, what element are you calling in, when you ask for protection?  He proposes that you are introducing fear.  I am not sure I felt fear, but I did bring in extra elements and became distracted.  I was bored and I was frustrated and I was angry that I was slogging through my meditation, alone.

It became a chore.

It was becoming a chore and at day 300 or so, I didn’t meditate on purpose.  What a relief to give myself that permission.  The next day, I meditated morning and evening, and finished with a recommitment to practicing One Thousand Hands Buddha, unadorned of any excess.  And, I made more of an effort to practice in the morning.


February, 2012. I completed the year, and that was it.  Gave myself a few days off and tried to resume it with a goal of 3-4 times a week.  At best, it was infrequent.  I didn’t want to do the chore anymore.  And, I met a wonderful woman who became my girlfriend.  Things were good.

The Here and Now.

In April, 2013, my current relationship began to succumb to the stress of prolonged uncertainty.  Why is it always about relationship?  I began to meditate again as I have in the past; attempting to hold space while waiting for someone else.  But then I began doing it for me, not for anyone else.  And that’s when I began to see clearly.

Here it is, the middle of July.  Since April I have, in some manner, revisited each of those phases:

  • The vocalization, allowing the emotion to surface and be spoken out loud.
  • I’ve yet to sustain that feeling of faith, but being content with moments where I’ve been close to it.
  • Remaining true to the form.  Don’t complicate it or become distracted.
  • Not making it chore by giving myself permission to not be perfect.


One of my favorite Yoga instructors often says “It’s not Yoga perfect, it’s Yoga practice.”  And I think that’s the final key to sustaining this practice.  I don’t make it a chore, because I don’t have to do it every day.  In this reiteration of meditation, I’ve taken ownership over my behaviors and choices. I’m focusing on being social and well as solitary, and finding a better balance.  It’s leading rather slowly and sometimes painfully to acceptance.  The end result though, is action rather than reaction.  More grace, even in the face of uncertainty.

Finding our own expression in Yoga

Recently, I had trouble interpreting one of my student’s responses. “Jack” is the husband of a friend of mine. They had a private session with me at another studio a year ago, and that was that until I bumped into them a few months ago. We catch up. I find out that while she dropped out of Yoga, he had not, and has continued on. So I invited him to my Senior Men’s Yoga class.

men at gymJack checks out the class, enjoys it and signs up with a 15 card pass. This is great. He fits in well with the guys and this has been a hard class to establish. However, around this time I lose a couple of newer fellows for various health related reasons. Jack has had two hip replacements and he is still taking class from “Becky,” an experienced teacher I very much like and respect.

Well. This combination does nothing for my pervasive insecurity and leads me to wonder if Jack is getting anything out of my class. So I checked in with him briefly at the end of class and he indicated he was fine. Yet he must have sensed my angst, and gave the query more thought, because later that day he sent me an email. And that led to us chatting after class the following week. Continue reading

Everybody’s a Critic (of Yoga)

In the last month or so, I’ve run across three separate articles dressed up as criticism of western presentations of yoga.  The trouble is, they come across being more narcissistic and envious of the “culture” they are supposedly now boycotting, and end up sounding resentful of fame and success rather than offering true criticism.

So here, with a grain of salt, I’m criticizing the critics.

better bunsOne article focused on the sensationalistic, commenting on the launching of a Yoga porn site, and Yoga for Better Buns to make his point of capitalism infringing upon this spiritual practice.  But then this very same poster is blogging at the and he is also an author of two books on Mindfulness and Meditation, both with a handy link to the Amazon Store right after his article.  And, by the way, he’s written many other articles in such a style.  If you didn’t already know, bloggers at the Huffington Post don’t get paid for their articles.  They do it for exposure.  Can he be any more of a shill?

Continue reading

Yoga and Basketball

I recently finished reading Tiger in a Lion’s Den, by former LSU men’s basketball coach Dale Brown. It’s kind of what you’d expect in reading a book by a coach. It certainly isn’t a literary masterpiece. But, I’m a hoops junkie, and I’ll read most books on basketball by successful coaches just to see what’s there.

Brown was an emotional leader, one who played by the rules and was an outspoken critic of the NCAA. I enjoyed his stories regarding coaching against basketball luminaries such as Bob Knight of Indiana and Joe B. Hall of Kentucky. The story I relate here had to do with UCLA coach John Wooden. Continue reading

Write It Down

Things happen for a reason. I’m more convinced of this than ever. A series of events align and it allows you to see from a different perspective. This happens whenever I venture north to Portland for a class with Chase Bossart. I’m there for a series on Asana Sequencing and a review of the Yoga Sutra, and a little nugget on meditation appears. Chase says, “If something comes up in the process of your meditation, write it down.” In other words, don’t stubbornly resist it.

I knew this. But why wasn’t I doing it?

At Kripalu, one of the concepts that was presented during our training was to “give permission.” Maybe I needed permission. So I sit down to my meditation the day after our weekend sessions, and I have no paper, no journal. So I write nothing down. My mind is addled, things come up, but I ignore them and press on.

I finish my meditation, and it was ok. But I realize I did not take advantage of that clarity. Thank the stars, Buddha, whomever… a process like this no longer drags out. The next day I have paper handy.

Wow. So much stuff is in my head.

There’s uncertainty in so many areas of my life right now.  But yet, little epiphanies arose out of meditation.  This time, I wrote them down. I have to say, though I seemed to stop many times, it did not affect my meditation. Time flew by and I was unburdened and more refreshed. And, beautifully so, I had a plan for one area of my life where I could bring some certainty. There was progress immediately.

I have had periods where I have meditated, each with different intentions. For some reason, I had meditated 45 days straight just prior to when the worst news of my life was revealed to me. I was amazingly stable. I meditated every day for a year. And more recently, with a workplace wellness challenge as an incentive, I meditated 31 days straight.  But, it dropped off again.

With all that is up in the air, I need my meditation to be regular.  This time, I will keep a journal nearby.

Men’s Yoga – April Update


I’ve got a brand new computer and it’s loaded with up to date programs. I’ve revamped the web site and am using a new email program. However, along with the ease of a new and fast computer, I’m confounded by a machine that does all sorts of things I don’t actually want it to do! It has been a fount of frustration. Plus, I’m spending way too much time online again.

So, I’m a Luddite, right? Technology is baaaad. No. I practice and teach Yoga. Continue reading

Enlighten Up!

Enlighten UpEnlighten Up!
A Skeptic’s Journey into the World of Yoga
Directed by: Kate Churchill, 2008

My friend Dudley recommended this movie, and I finally got around to watching it. Enlighten Up! is a documentary that takes Nick, a reluctant yet curious individual at a crossroads in life, and immerses him in yoga to see what happens.

The movie follows him as he seeks out many famous teachers, takes classes from them (sometimes to gain an audience) and interviews them. There are predictable scenes of Nick in uncomfortable poses, and clips from yoga proponents; some sounding wise, some appearing surprisingly grumpy, while others just seem a bit too far off in left field to be taken seriously. Continue reading

The Wisdom of Yoga

The Wisdom of YogaThe Wisdom of Yoga
A Seeker’s Guide to Extraordinary Living
by Stephen Cope, Bantam Books, Inc., 2007

Yoga is the practice of experience.  This is often lost on the western mind.  We see Yoga as a physical exercise and don’t understand or perhaps fear the depth of what experience beyond intellect can teach us.

The Yoga Sutras are incredibly distilled.  Much like the Taoist advice from the Tao Te Ching, the Sutras can seem maddeningly simplistic or even contrary.  In short, I’m not sure the Yoga Sutras would have made any sense to me had I not had the experiences I had in the studio. Continue reading